just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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