You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
