Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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