omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
