arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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