Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
