I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
