I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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