i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm at about main and main street
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
