jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
