Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
