So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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