She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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