New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
His nipple licking is glorious
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