Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
