Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I need to calm my uterus...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
