He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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