I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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