??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I faked an abortion last night.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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