Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
vagina is talking i cant
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
