winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
did you just send me my own nude
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
