I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
