I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
