90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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