I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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