Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
