This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
