I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
