My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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