You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
