Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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