my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
