the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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