you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
