I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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