Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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