Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
