mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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