I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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