Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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