someone threw a dead crab at me
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
