I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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