i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
