We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
