you win again, gameday.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
