Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
