she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
