Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
