Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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