I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
