his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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