My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
