I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
