So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
