Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
it's like iHOP with fire
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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